Tomasz Ł


For people, who do not quite care what this means, and why I would even bring this up to the public, long story short – yes, I am on the spectrum.
I have high functioning autism / Asperger's (unsure which term is more accurate nowadays). Some might find it odd to so easily share information about a medical condition. I do not see it as a medical condition but rather as a part of who I am. Most of the time, it is an enability, like a superpower, and at first, it may appear as a blessing. And it is. I barely feel tired after many hours of work. I can stay up all night, and when the dawn breaks, I can still perform without sleep for hours. When I am focused, I do not feel hunger, and when I eventually do, it does not affect my performance at all.
If you reread the above, you might think, "how exactly is this a good thing?". That is the point. There are many aspects of my condition that are awesome from the outcome's perspective, but they always come at a particular cost, and I am, obviously, ever the one to pay. I do not feel the need, but it does not imply that the need does not exist. It gets even worse if you realize that me staying up all night is caused by severe insomnia. People used to joke that I must be doing some drugs when watching my performance and actual hyperactivity. I tend to laugh at that joke multiple times, but sometimes, I am having a tough time telling if they are still joking. And there the social disorder thing comes to life…
For me, this is the hardest part. There is this thing I observe with most of the people – they do not get very empathetic. They perceive the world with their very own measures, and as it seems obvious and expected, the one thing that gets hard to bear is that they try to input their intentions to me. Beyond any explanation they hear from me, they strongly try to believe that my intentions are deeper than I declare them to be, as they think I am dishonest, either with them or with myself. Usually, you would look for the cause of such protective/cautions behavior in one's personality. As I wish I could very much agree with that statement, there is one more factor, of which existence I have found out just recently. It is about my malfunctioning micro mimics.
Aspie people are thought to be not that emotional. I cannot agree with that view because I know I do have emotions (and quite a lot of them). My body, however, does not seem to reflect them the way other people can pick up. People "read" micro mimics and body language subconsciously, and if they do not get this subliminal feedback, they feel insecure (around me in this case). Even though I often hear I am a cheerful person, certain people still find me scary. This reception is something I cannot work on (or around), as I was born this way. Unfortunately for me, it often effectively keeps people away from me, and that is when Aspie gets lonely.
You may still wonder, what am I trying to achieve here by writing all of the above. You might think that I need to blow off some of my frustration or perhaps, that I have found a "controversial ground" to "rapidly grow" my career. Nothing like that. As per this website's mission, I decided to go transparent on the input behind the presented output. It is vast a part of that input, and if I get a chance even remotely to raise awareness about approx. 1-2% of the world's population – I take the opportunity. I want you to understand that there is much more beneath the beauty (I mean my creations, not myself), and sometimes it gets ugly. I was lucky to gain a proper perspective and agreement with who I am, but I am aware that there are many people less fortunate. Think about them for once and think that beneath the ugly, there is beauty.
The above applies to all people, no matter if you are neurotypical or Aspie. If things get hard for you, do not hesitate to ask for help – everyone deserves it. For autistic people requiring help in overcoming certain life difficulties, I recommend contacting:

I am not affiliated with the above organization.